In May of 2024, the dating app Bumble made headlines and ruffled feathers for a campaign targeted towards women. The billboards that cropped up in the Los Angeles area urged women to take another chance at sex and dating, with one billboard reading “You know full well a vow of celibacy is not the answer.” After receiving their fair share of backlash on social media, the brand issued an apology and removed the ads. But this campaign highlights something that has been steadily on the rise for years now:

Move over economy, we are officially in a sex recession.

The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the U.S. found that between 2009 and 2018 there was a rise in adolescents reporting no sexual activity, from 49.5% to 74% in young women. With the 4B movement gaining popularity in Korea in 2019, and young adults going “boy sober” in 2024, it feels like self-elected abstinence is still steadily on the rise.

What is “going boy sober?”

The term “boy sober” was originally coined by TikToker Hope Woodard, who decided to take a break from dating after feeling overly obsessed with a boy that she met on the dating app Hinge. Instead of continuing to check her phone for texts that were never going to come, she decided to put the phone down and quit boys altogether, taking the time to focus on herself instead. Many young women found the sentiment refreshing, and decided to join her.

Why are women embracing “boy sobriety?”

Modern dating has gotten exhausting for many people, with meeting on dating apps and opting for casual sexual encounters becoming the norm. The constant pressure to “get back out there” and “meet someone special” can take a toll on a person’s self-esteem, especially with dating apps promoting superficial connections and hook ups over genuine romantic relationships. On top of that, with women’s reproductive rights at risk and cost of living on the rise, abstinence or “boy sobriety” can feel like an empowering way to take back control of your power and your future.

For many, abstinence offers a way for them to reclaim control over their own lives. They refrain from sex and dating and instead focus on their own personal growth and self-care. This can look like:

• Spending time getting to know their own body with self pleasure.
• For those who catch feelings fast and let romance distract them from work, school, friends, and more, spending time alone can help them create a better balance before getting into another relationship.
• Time alone can help people better see red flags and learn how to choose themselves (as opposed to putting their needs on the back burner) before they get into another relationship.

The Benefits and Challenges of Abstinence

Choosing abstinence can be incredibly beneficial, as long as it’s a personal and intentional choice. For one, it provides the opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. When you’re caught up in active dating, it can be easy to overlook red flags or ignore what you actually want out of a potential partner. Even outside of the context of dating, an intentional break from dating and sex makes room for personal development, hobbies, goals, and passions. It also allows for a break from the pressures of seeking romantic validation, freeing up energy to invest in friendships and other meaningful relationships.

However, abstinence doesn’t come without its own set of challenges. While Julia Fox might say “2.5 years of abstinence and never been better tbh,” that isn’t necessarily the case for everyone who goes “boy sober.” The decision to abstain from romantic or sexual relationships can cause feelings of loneliness or social isolation. Though the “boy sober” movement might be doing something to shift it, we live in a society that places a high value on romantic relationships. Stepping outside of those societal norms can be isolating. Especially if you are surrounded by friends and family members who are actively dating or in a relationship.

If you do choose to go “boy sober,” it’s important to do so for the right reasons. Chosen abstinence won’t automatically fix fear of rejection or feelings of negative self-worth. But it can help you create intentional space in your life for self-discovery and healing.

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Ultimately, the decision to go “boy sober” is a personal one, and it doesn’t have to be permanent. If anything, it shows a shift towards young women prioritizing their own mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. As far as we’re concerned, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Whether a temporary break or a long-term lifestyle choice, abstinence can be a powerful tool for self-empowerment.