If you’ve ever Googled “why do I lose my erection?” and found nothing but ads, you’re not alone. This post unpacks why search results are rigged toward pharma—and what shame-free, real sex education looks like instead.

Let’s play a little game…

Open Google (preferably in incognito). Type in:

“why do I lose my erection.”

What do you see?
Probably a sea of sponsored ads: Viagra. Clinics. Testosterone boosters. All promising you a fix for something they assume is broken.

But what if your body wasn’t malfunctioning? What if it was responding—to stress, pressure, lack of sleep, disconnection, anger, illness, age, or relationship stress? What if softness wasn’t a symptom, but a signal?

That kind of nuance?

Buried.

It doesn’t rank.

Because when search results are pay-to-play, the loudest voices aren’t always the most helpful. They’re just the richest.

And guess who has the money to dominate the keywords around penises and erections? Pharma companies and performance-first men’s clinics.

Why Do I Lose My Erection? The Question Google Can’t Answer

Companies selling Viagra, Cialis, injections, and testosterone-boosters don’t just spend millions—they own the digital landscape. The global erectile dysfunction drug market was valued between $3.1 and $5.8 billion in 2023/2024, with top analysts projecting near doubling by 2033, driven by lifestyle changes and increasing awareness.¹

What Happens When You Google “Soft Penis”

If you’ve ever panicked after losing an erection, you probably typed things like:

• “Why can’t I stay hard?”
  
• “I lose my erection during sex”
  
• “Is something wrong with my penis?”
  

And Google answered with ads. The internet told you: This is fixable. Take this pill. Come to this clinic. Get hard, stay hard, act normal.

But what if your body wasn’t malfunctioning?
What if softness was giving you a clue?

That kind of sex-ed doesn’t even crack the search results surface.

How I Know the Algorithm Is Rigged (And Why My Clients Do Too)

Plot twist: I’m a tech geek without a penis who stumbled headfirst into the online world of erections.

Houston, we have a problem.

“LAST LONGER NOW.”
“FEEL LIKE A MAN AGAIN.”

The pharma stranglehold on performance anxiety is real. It’s not support—it’s shame, SEO-optimized.

They’d Googled their way through forums, clinic websites, and sponsored articles, all promising the same thing: get hard, stay hard, problem solved. But when the pills left them feeling emptier than before—when their partners felt like props in a performance rather than participants in intimacy—they went looking for something else.

That’s when they found me. Not through Google ads (because I can’t afford to compete with Big Pharma). Through word of mouth. Through therapist referrals. Through desperate late-night searches that somehow, miraculously, led them past the sponsored content to my website.

Whether you’re reading this as someone navigating erection anxiety or as a clinician feeling underprepared when it comes up in session, the truth is the same: It’s not your fault that you’re stressed.

We all drank the Kool-Aid—believed the myth that erections are simple, mechanical, and a direct measure of manhood and desirability.

They’re not. They’re responsive, relational, and full of nuance. We’ve been taught to treat them like rocket launches: perfectly timed, high-stakes, liftoff on command. One wobble? Mission failed.
But your body isn’t NASA. It’s not a launchpad. It’s a system of signals—and softness is one of them.

The Research They Don’t Want You to Find

Pharma spends billions to tell you erections are a “pill problem.” But research says otherwise.

One long-term study found that men on medication alone actually got worse over time—while men who combined medication with therapy kept improving, even after therapy ended.²  

Another study found that only combined treatment improved couple satisfaction and partner pleasure.³

And a review of 13 studies with nearly 600 men confirmed it—meds-only plateau, while therapy plus meds keeps getting better.⁴

The pill isn’t broken. The model is.

Pharma Spends. Search Hides. Shame Wins.

The erectile dysfunction drug industry was worth $5.8 billion in 2023 and is projected to almost double by 2033.  Pharma poured $30 billion into digital ads in 2024—most of it to Google and Facebook. Telehealth brands doubled TV ad budgets to $111 million in just four years, and three major ED companies alone spent $1.4 billion on marketing.⁵

When that much money is shaping what you see online, of course the loudest voices aren’t the most helpful.

Hard = manhood
Soft = problem
Medicine = masculinity restored

No wonder shame-free sex education barely makes page one.

The Lies We’ve Been Sold

From boyhood, cis men are handed the same script:
Hard = man.
Soft = problem.
Want sex all the time. Perform on demand.

And most of us? We believed it.

So when softness shows up, panic kicks in—and suddenly it’s 2 a.m. and you’re doom-scrolling Google like:
“why do I lose my erection” or “why does my partner lose his erections?”

But erections aren’t mechanical—they’re human. They rise and fall with mood, stress, health, and connection. Sometimes the body says, “pause.”

That’s not failure. That’s feedback. 

What We’re Doing Instead

So what happens when we stop treating softness like a malfunction and start treating it like information?

We create space for a new kind of sex ed—one that asks the important questions:

 “When did this begin?”

“Do you remember the first time you lost your erection with someone.  What happend? 

“Why do you think this is happening?” 

Talking about nervous systems, partner communication, and pleasure that doesn’t depend on staying hard.

That’s what we’re building: an Unshaming Sex Education ecosystem, including:

• Nervous system context
  
• Partner communication tools
  
• Performance pressure deconstruction
  
• Pleasure without penetration
  

Like:

• How to Stop Overthinking Erections and Start Enjoying Sex
• GETSOME episode on Erectile Disappointment with Barry McCarthy
• Unshaming Unerections Mindfulness Series

We’re part of a broader cultural shift in the sex therapy community—moving from “erectile dysfunction” to “erectile disappointment,” from pathology to humanity.

Because your worth isn’t measured by the firmness of your erection. And treatment works best when sex therapy and medication work together—not in silos.

You Deserve to Be Seen

Google might not serve you this blog first. But you found it anyway—and that means there’s hope.

Keep searching. Keep questioning. Keep getting curious.
And if you’re a clinician, therapist, or educator: help shift the algorithm by sharing GETSOME’s shame-free, unmedicalized perspectives.

This isn’t anti-meds. It’s pro-human. And it’s pro-pleasure.

If you’re tired of Google giving you ads instead of answers, you’re not alone. Real sex education starts here—without shame, pressure, or quick fixes.

👉 Start here

References:

¹ Data Horizzon Research. (2024). Erectile Dysfunction Drugs Market Size, Share & Forecast 2033. https://datahorizzonresearch.com/erectile-dysfunction-drugs-market-4518

² Khan, S., et al. (2019). Potential for Long-Term Benefit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as an Adjunct Treatment for Men with Erectile Dysfunction. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16(2), 235-245. PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30770073/

³ Boddi, V., et al. (2015). An integrated approach with vardenafil orodispersible tablet and cognitive behavioral sex therapy for treatment of erectile dysfunction: Results from a prospective randomized pilot study. Andrology, 3(5), 909-917.PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26311340/

⁴ Atallah, S., et al. (2021). The effectiveness of psychological interventions alone, or in combination with phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors, for the treatment of erectile dysfunction: A systematic review. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 9(4), 557-571. PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34552782/

⁵ eMarketer. (2024). US Healthcare and Pharma Ad Spending 2024. https://www.emarketer.com/content/us-healthcare-pharma-ad-spending-2024