Spoiler alert — Season 3, Episode 5

White Lotus Just Got Wild

Some of the sexual dynamics this season?

Total fever dream.

But one storyline in particular caught my attention—especially given my niche in sex therapy.

Sam Rockwell makes a surprise appearance as Frank, an old friend of Rick Hatchett (played by Walton Goggins), who turns up in Thailand with a hidden agenda.

Frank is a celibate, cis white man living in Thailand who credits Buddha with freeing him from his addictions—
From drugs.
From women.

And then… his new obsession begins…

“I put out an ad looking for a white guy my age to come over and fuck me.
Found one who looked just like me.
I put on lingerie and perfume, made myself look like one of these girls—I thought I looked pretty hot.
Then he came over and railed the shit outta me. And I got addicted to that.”

Some nights, it was three or four men. Some he had to pay. And always, he hired an Asian woman to sit in the room and watch.

“I’d look in her eyes while some guy was fucking me and I’d think: I am her. And I’m fucking me.”

I know.
It’s the kind of thing that makes your brain lean in and go, “Wait, what?”

Holding Space for Erotic Confusion

I’ve seen Frank’s presentation in the therapy room more than a few times.
Always different. Always uniquely shaped by the person sitting across from me. And often, it arrives with a kind of nervous urgency. Like they’ve been holding it in for too long…

What the hell does this mean about me?

The confusion — “Does this mean I’m gay?”
The shame — “What’s wrong with me?”
The labeling — “I’m a sex addict.”
The fear — “Who is going to accept this?”

There’s often an unspoken hope that I’ll have the answer—some framework that can make sense of it all.

But the first time this came up in my practice?
I didn’t.

What I did have was a sense of who to call.

Peer Supervision and the Power of Not Knowing

When I get curious-stuck like that, I reach out to my friend and colleague Rob Peach, MSW, RSW, who specializes in fetishes, paraphilias, and erotic conflicts.

His response?

“Ah, my favourite fetish.”

What Is a Feminization Fetish?

He explained it like this:

These desires are a fantasy structure where heterosexual men eroticize becoming what they desire. It’s not about gender identity or orientation.
It’s about entering the experience of being wanted.

It’s almost like heterosexuality…on overdrive.

Theses men who are so deeply attracted to women…
that they want to experience being the object of that attraction.

Not to become women.
Not necessarily to have sex with men.
But to feel what it’s like to be longed for through the male gaze.

To embody what our culture codes as feminine.
To be soft. Sexy. Desired.

This Is the Joy of Sex Therapy

This kind of gender-bending is what keeps my brain lit up like a Christmas tree.

Listening to people—of all genders—
play with masculinity and femininity,
explore desire outside the binary,
and support them with unshaming what turns them on…

That’s the joy of sex therapy.

Why This Still Feels Taboo

Most of our culture isn’t built for unshaming sexual expression. Especially not when someone’s erotic map doesn’t follow the binary. Especially not when a man explores softness. Or submission. Or when genitals stop being the focal point. (Which, let’s be honest, is already a huge identity shake-up for a lot of cis men.)

Why White Lotus Hits Hard

That’s why White Lotus hits hard.
It pokes at our assumptions—about power, social scripts, and pleasure.
It stirs up our discomfort with erotic expression that refuses to fit inside the lines.

And when those desires aren’t met with curiosity or compassion—When they’re buried instead of unshamed—They don’t just disappear.

They twist into secrecy. Into addiction. Into violence. Into shame that hardens into far-right politics and rigid moral codes—hell-bent on controlling other people’s desires.

What If Pleasure Deserved Better?

But for now—thanks for letting me indulge in my White Lotus brain spiral.
This stuff genuinely lights me up.

If you’ve ever felt shame about leaning into your masculine or feminine sides—
if exploring desire feels scary, confusing, or just not allowed—
I made something for you.

The Shame Detox: A Sexuality Masterclass

Unfiltered, practical, and designed to help you unpack internalized shame around sex, desire, and power—on your terms.

Because shame was never meant to be your compass.
And pleasure deserves better than a binary.