Body image and sexual shame are two deeply intertwined issues that have an overwhelming effect on many people’s lives and relationships (with both themselves and their sexual/romantic partners). This connection can create a challenging and seemingly inescapable cycle that impacts self-esteem, intimacy, and overall well being. 

If you are suffering from negative body image feeding into persistent feelings of sexual shame, you are not alone. 

Better yet, there’s a way to unpack and unlearn those negative beliefs about your body and those feelings of sexual shame. It’s a long and personal journey, but it is possible. The first steps to healing are figuring out who told you—directly or indirectly—that you were “bad” or “defective” and how that false belief wove its way into your sexuality. It’s also important to distinguish feelings of “shame” and “guilt.” Guilt is the feeling that you’ve done something bad, shame is the feeling that you are bad. Both can (and often do) connect back to negative body image.

The Link Between Negative Body Image and Sexual Shame

Negative body image is present in people across the gender spectrum although, perhaps unsurprisingly, Cis women are more likely to report feelings of negative body image than cis men. That’s not to say that it’s not present in men and gender nonconforming people (who, one could hypothesize, experience body image issues and dysphoria simply for not fitting into the traditional gender binary). But where do these issues come from? And how can we begin to unlink negative self-image beliefs from feelings of sexual shame?

Rapidly shifting and changing societal beauty standards make it nearly impossible for anyone to keep up. You might be finally getting comfortable with your appearance one day, only to discover a new insecurity like “hip dips” or a “double lip line” on the internet the next. If it feels impossible to keep up with beauty standards, that’s because it is. After all, if everyone loved themselves, then who would be spending money on self-improvement products, fitness memberships, and cosmetic procedures?

When we internalize these negative beliefs about our bodies, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and unworthiness in many areas of our lives, including in sexual situations. This sense of unworthiness is the root of sexual shame.

But that’s not all—sexual shame, in turn, can (and often does) reinforce negative body image issues. Contributing to a persistent feedback loop of negativity and shame.

Manifestations of Shame

The cycle of negative body image and sexual shame manifests differently for everyone. This can look like:

• Avoiding intimacy or sexual situations entirely
• Difficulty being present and enjoying sexual experiences
• Negative self-talk about one’s body during intimate moments
• Feeling undeserving of sexual pleasure or attention

These manifestations can significantly impact relationships and overall quality of life.

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Body Image and Shame

First, it’s important to recognize that these issues don’t exist in a vacuum. Media representation, gender-specific pressure, and early experiences all play a role in shaping our body image and attitudes towards sexuality. Understanding these influences can be a first step in addressing the root causes of negative body image and sexual shame.

There are ways to mitigate, understand, unpack, and unlearn negative body image beliefs and sexual shame. Here are some tips to get started:

Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness that you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone has insecurities, and your worth is not determined by your appearance. Allow yourself to have both good and bad days on this healing journey. 

Utilize Mindfulness Techniques

Practice being present in your body without judgment, both in sexual situations and in everyday life. This can help you appreciate your body for what it can do, rather than how it looks. Body neutrality is often the ideal first step towards body positivity.

Communicate with Partners

Open, honest communication about your feelings can help create a more supportive and understanding intimate environment. Clearly and freely communicating your boundaries, expectations, and desires with your partner(s) will not only help you feel safer and more supported, but it also helps create a more pleasurable experience for all parties. 

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you notice negative self-talk, pause and question its validity. Try to reframe these thoughts in a more balanced way. Or, simply let the thought pass through your mind without allowing it to take hold or affect your image of yourself—acknowledge the thought, and then release it.

Surround Yourself with Support

Seek out friends, communities, and media that promote body positivity and healthy attitudes towards sexuality. Find a therapist or counselor who can help you understand and unlearn your negative body image beliefs and their connection to your experiences of sexual shame.

The Importance of Self-Love and Acceptance

Developing self-love and acceptance is crucial in not only overcoming negative body image and sexual shame, but in having better, more pleasurable sex! Which we firmly believe is something that everyone deserves. Just like negative self-image and sexual shame are a negative loop, positive body image and pleasurable sexual experiences create a positive loop that can contribute to overall well being in every area of your life. If you need a hands-on resource to help you begin the healing process, our Unlearning Sexual Shame module is a great place to start!

Remember, you are worthy of love, pleasure, and acceptance. Be patient and kind to yourself and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed.