Have you ever gone completely blank during a moment that really mattered? You’re in front of a group. Or with someone you care about. You were fine one moment — and the next, you’re gone. Not physically, but mentally. Words vanish. You freeze. This is called a freeze response, and it’s a common part of how trauma affects the body.

You feel your chest tighten. Thoughts scatter. Something in you pulls back — and in the quiet that follows, you start to question whether you were too much, not enough, or like the moment kept moving, and you were the only one standing still.

This is a common experience — and it’s not a sign of failure. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you.

Let’s unpack it — gently, and without shame.

Unshaming the Freeze Response?

A freeze response happens when your body senses danger — even if your mind doesn’t consciously register it. It’s part of your autonomic nervous system, which constantly scans for safety.

You might experience:

• Blank thoughts
• Numbness or disconnect from your body
• Difficulty speaking or thinking clearly
• Laughter at “wrong” moments
• Wanting to disappear or just get through it

It’s not rejection or disinterest — it’s protection.

Why You Might Freeze in Non-Dangerous Situations

Freeze doesn’t only happen during trauma. It can appear:

• During Sex
• While public speaking
• During medical exams
• In relationships
• At work
• In moments where your body doesn’t feel safe being seen

The body can store experiences of overwhelm that live beneath the surface of conscious thought. This is especially common among people who’ve lived through:

• Developmental trauma
• Sexual Trauma
• Combat or war trauma
• Chronic stress
• People-pleasing or perfectionism patterns
• Marginalization or hypervisibility

“The body remembers before the mind does. It reacts to familiar danger even when the context is new.”

And recent research confirms this. Implicit memory — the kind that lives in the body, not in conscious recall — can trigger freeze, rapid heartbeat, or overwhelm without any mental ‘story’ to explain it. That’s why people can have strong trauma responses even when they can’t pinpoint exactly why (Damis, 2022; PMC11523743)

So when your body freezes — even in a “safe” setting — it might be carrying the imprint of past danger. This isn’t a character flaw. It’s biology.

Personal Story: When I Froze While Teaching About Trauma

A few years ago, I gave a talk about trauma. I knew what I wanted to say. I had practiced. But something earlier that day had set my body on high alert — I just hadn’t caught on yet. When I stood up to speak, it felt like part of me had checked out.

I began to sweat. My voice trembled. My thoughts scattered. From the outside, it may have looked like I was unprepared. But on the inside, my body was trying to get me to safety

“This doesn’t feel safe. Get out. Now.”

That’s what the freeze response is — a nonverbal no from the body. It overrides your plans to help you survive.

You’re Not Broken: Why This Happens to So Many of Us

In my clinical practice, I hear clients describe freeze like this:

• “I was there, but not really.”
• “My body went numb.”
• “I just shut down.”
• “I wanted to say something, but couldn’t.”

Whether it’s in sex, at work, or in a hard conversation, freeze is often misunderstood as disinterest or dysfunction. But in reality, it’s self-preservation.

What Animals Can Teach Us

In nature, animals often freeze when danger is near — but after the threat passes, they shake, move, or run to release the energy.

Research shows that special parts of the brain are in charge of freezing and shaking — these help animals and people recover after feeling scared.

Humans can freeze too — especially during experiences that feel chaotic, overwhelming, or unsafe

Scientists have learned that people who freeze during frightening events are at greater risk for self-blame and sadness 

So when your body freezes — even in a “safe” setting — it might be carrying the imprint of past danger. This isn’t a failure. It’s your biology doing its best.

Freeze Responses in Sex and Performance Aren’t Separate

Sexual freeze and presentation freeze? They’re cousins.

Your nervous system doesn’t categorize experiences the way your brain does. It just responds.

You might freeze in sex if:

• You feel pressure to perform
• You override your own desire
• A memory gets stirred
• You’re unsure if it’s safe to let your guard down

You might freeze at work or in public if:

• You’re being watched or evaluated
• You fear making a mistake
• You don’t feel emotionally safe
• You’ve been shamed for vulnerability in the past

In both cases, freeze is the body saying: “I’m not safe to be fully here.”

Unshaming the Freeze

This is where shame does its worst work.

In public, shame says: “She didn’t know her material.” “She looked lost.” “She wasn’t prepared.”

In sex, shame says: “I’m broken.” “I didn’t want it enough.” “There’s something wrong with me.”

Both are false. Both reduce us to performance. Both twist protection into proof of failure.

Unshaming means telling a new story:

Your freeze response isn’t rejection. It isn’t incompetence. It isn’t brokenness. Freeze is the body remembering danger — and doing what it knows to keep you safe.

What Helps: Tools to Work With Freeze

1. My body thinks this is dangerous, even if I don’t.”
   This is often how a freeze response shows up — and naming it can shift the shame spiral.
2. Use Somatic Inquiry Freeze often bypasses language. But your body is still speaking.

Ask:

• Where do I feel this?
• What’s the texture of the sensation?
• If it had a voice, what would it say?

Let your body finish the story it couldn’t finish before.

Meet the Inner Critic Gently

Freeze is often followed by self-doubt: “You blew it.” “You looked weak.” “What’s wrong with you?”

Instead of silencing that voice, ask: Whose voice is this? What does this physical experience remind me of?

Often, it’s a younger part of you trying to help — in outdated ways.

Explore Body-Based Therapies

• Therapeutic yoga: Gentle stretching and movement calm the nervous system and can lower anxiety.
• Breathwork: Simple breathing exercises help people relax and feel more steady in tough moments.
• Mindfulness: Paying attention to physical sensations and emotions in the present can reduce stress and improve mood. Health Harvard (2023), “What is somatic therapy?”

Want to hear how real people work with this in practice?

In this podcast episode with Marlee Liss, we talk about consent, embodiment, and how the freeze response shows up in sex and healing.
It’s a powerful listen if you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body.

Recovery Is Possible — And It’s Not Linear

Healing doesn’t mean freeze disappears. It means you recognize it sooner. You respond with curiosity and compassion. And your body learns that it doesn’t have to leave every time it gets overwhelmed.

Over time:

• Presence returns
• Safety rebuilds
• Connection becomes possible again

Closing: Freeze Doesn’t Make You Less Worthy

To anyone who’s ever gone numb in the middle of a moment — You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not less deserving of love, belonging, or voice.

Even in the freeze, your body was doing its best to protect you. And that deserves compassion — not correction.

Each time you meet yourself gently, you lay the groundwork for future safety. That’s how presence returns. And that’s how unshaming begins.

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A gentle, trauma-informed way to understand your nervous system, unlearn shame, and reclaim presence — at your own pace.

You don’t have to push through. You just have to start by listening.