Unshaming Sex: 86+ Essential Resources to Reclaim Pleasure
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I’m Michelle, a sex therapist and host of the GETSOME podcast. I get to ask the questions about sex, bodies and relationships that most of us save for an incognito tab.
Here, you’ll find articles, plus conversations with experts and people sharing their own experiences. We talk about desire, pleasure and shame with curiosity, care and a little humour. Whoever you are and whoever you love, welcome to GETSOME.
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Learning about sex, sexuality, desire, and unshaming sex is a lifelong journey.
Whether you’re wanting to expand your worldview, embrace your own identity, support a loved one, or finally let go of the shame you were taught to carry—unshaming sex doesn’t happen all at once. It happens through curiosity, reflection, and trusted tools that meet you where you are.
Over the course of my career, I’ve collected a rather extensive list of books, workbooks, websites, apps, and podcasts that offer education, insight, and support into all different areas of the sexuality spectrum. Now, you can use this list as a starting point to help you navigate the complexities of sex, sexuality, and shame.
Below, you’ll find some of the most trusted resources for unshaming sex—no matter where you are on your journey.
Books to Help with Unshaming Sex
Asexuality:
Decker, J. S. (2015). The invisible orientation: An introduction to asexuality. Skyhorse Publishing.
BDSM, kink, and fetishes:
Easton, D., & Liszt, C. A. (2000). When someone you love is kinky. Greenery.
Taormino, T. (2012). The ultimate guide to kink: BDSM, role play, and the erotic edge. Cleis Press.
Body Image:
Taylor, S. R. (2021). The Body Is Not an Apology, Second Edition: The Power of Radical Self-Love.
Culture and Sex:
Laureano, B. I. (2023). The People’s Book of Human Sexuality: Expanding the Sexology Archive. Routledge.
Benembarek, S. (2023). Halal Sex: The Intimate Lives of Muslim Women in North America. Viking Canada/Penguin Random House Canada
Desire Discrepancy:
Kleinplatz, P. (2020). Magnificent sex: Lessons from extraordinary lovers. Routledge.
McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (2020). Rekindling desire. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.
Perel, E. (2009). Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic and the domestic. HarperCollins.
Brotto, Lori. The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire Paperback – Oct. 18 2022
Disability and Sex:
Kaufman, M., Silverberg, C., & Odette, F. (2007). The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For all of us who live with disabilities, chronic pain, and illness.
Tarpey, J., Venables, K., & Gurza, A. (2021). The Bump’n Book of Love, Lust & Disability.
Dysregulated Sexuality:
Braun-Harvey, D., & Vigorito, M. A. (2016). Treating out of control sexual behavior: Rethinking sex addiction. Springer Publishing Company, LLC.
Ley, D. J. (2014). The myth of sex addiction. Rowman & Littlefield.
Neves, S. (2021). Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians. Routledge.
Erection Disappointment:
Fischler, Michelle (2025) Unerections: The Complete Audio Series
McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (1998). Male sexual awareness: Increasing sexual satisfaction. Carroll & Graf.
McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (2021). Contemporary male sexuality: Confronting myths and promoting change. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.
Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2004). Coping with erectile dysfunction: How to regain confidence and enjoy great sex. New Harbinger.
Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2004). Coping with premature ejaculation: How to overcome PE, please your partner, and have great sex. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Zilbergeld, B. (1999). The new male sexuality. Manitoba Education and Advanced Learning, Alternate Formats Library.
👉 If you’re working through erection concerns or performance anxiety, explore our Unerections: The Complete Audio Series for gentle, practical support.
Erotica:
Pink & White Productions and PinkLabelTV
Blue Artichoke
MakeLoveNotPorn
Erika Lust, feminist pornographer
Dipsea Stories
Hysterical Literature
Beautiful Agony
Four Chambers
Archive of Our Own
SlipShine
SmutPeddler: Impeccable Pornoglyphics for Cultivated Ladies (and Men of Exceptional Taste!)
Cocky Boys
Damm, K.A (2003). Without reservation. Indigenous Erotica
Whitehead, J. (2018). Johnny Appleseed.
Fantasies:
Friday, N. (1973). My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies. Trident Press.
Bader, M. J. (2003). Arousal: The secret logic of sexual fantasies. St. Martin’s Griffin.
Blue, V. (2014). The ultimate guide to sexual fantasy: How to have incredible sex with role play, sex games, erotic massage, BDSM play and much, much more. Cleis Press.
Lehmiller, J.(2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder (GPPPD):
Goldstein, A., Goldstein, I., Pukall, C. (2011). When sex hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain.
Gunter, J. (2019). The vagina bible: The vulva and the vagina–separating the myth from the medicine. Random House Canada.
Low Desire:
Brotto, L. A. (2018). Better sex through mindfulness: Harnessing the power of the present to cultivate desire. Greystone Books Ltd.
LGBTQIA++:
Barker, M.-J. (2019). Life isn’t binary. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Kobabe, M. (2019). Gender queer: A memoir. [Graphic novel].
McDaniel, R. (2023) Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step into Your Most Authentic Self
Thawer, Rahim. (2025) The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys
Vaid-Menon, A. (2020). Beyond the binary. [Pocket-sized version]. Penguin Workshop
Orgasms:
Dodson, B. (1987). Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
Fischler, Michelle (2025) How To Orgasm On Your Own
Fischler, Michelle (2025) How to Orgasm with a Partner Present
Jansen, C. (2015). Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms. Quiver Books.
Kerner, I. (2019). She comes first: The thinking Man’S guide to pleasuring a woman. Souvenir Press.
Mintz, L. (2018). Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–and how to get it. HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.
Open Relationships:
Fern, J. (2020). Polysecure: Attachment, trauma, and consensual non-monogamy. Thorntree Press.
Gahran, A. (2017). Stepping off the relationship escalator: Uncommon love and life. Off the Escalator Enterprises, LLC.
Kauppi, M. (2021). Polyamory a clinical toolkit for therapists. Rowman & Littlefield.
Michaels, M. A., & Johnson, P. (2015). Designer relationships: A guide to happy monogamy, positive polyamory, and optimistic open relationships. Cleis Press.
Taormino, T. (2008). Opening up: A guide to creating and sustaining open relationships. Cleis Press.
Psychoeducation about Sex:
Queen, C., Rednour, S., & Lafrenais, A. (2015). The sex & pleasure book: Good vibrations guide to great sex for everyone. Barnaby LTD, LLC.
Sexual Abuse and/or Sexual Trauma
Fischler, Michelle (2023). Sex After Trauma with Marlee Liss
Haines, S., Newman, F., & Haines, S. (2007). Healing sex: A mind-body approach to healing sexual trauma. Cleis.
Lew, M. (2004). Victims no longer: The classic guide for men recovering from sexual child abuse. Quill.
Maltz, W. (2001). The sexual healing journey. HarperCollins World.
Martin, B., & Dalzen, R. (2021). The art of receiving and giving: The wheel of consent. Luminare Press.
Sexual Aversion or Avoidance:
Kaplan, H. S., & Klein, D. F. (1987). Sexual aversion, sexual phobias, and panic disorder. Routledge.
Weiner, L., & Avery-Clark, C. (2017). Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy: The Illustrated Manual. Routledge.
Sexual Shame:
Iasenza, S. (2020). Transforming sexual narratives: A relational approach to sex therapy. Routledge.
Nagoski, E. (2021). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Fischler, Michelle (2025) 🔗 Explore the Unshaming Sex Resource Hub
Sex, Shame, & Desire Workbooks
Brotto, L. (2022). The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire. Greystone Books.
Cash, T. F. (2008). The Body Image Workbook
An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks, Second Edition. Tantor.
Labriola, K. (2013). The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships. Greenery Press
Nagoski, E. (2019). The Come as You Are Workbook: A Practical Guide to the Science of Sex [Illustrated]. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Fischler, Michelle (2025). How Do You Experience Desire
Websites & Online Sex Education
LGBT
Asexuality
Sex Education
Herpes
Rekindling Desires for Couples
Sexual Shame
Sex Research
Sex Therapists (certified)
Apps
Podcasts
GETSOME Podcast with Michelle Fischler
Sex and Psychology with Justin Lehmiller
Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel
The journey to unshaming sex is deeply personal and unique to each individual. The 86+ resources highlighted in this blog post can be used to help you cultivate a healthier, more informed, and compassionate relationship with your sexuality!
Unshaming sex is a continuous process of learning and unlearning. Embrace this journey with an open mind, and remember that you are never alone.
Ready to start your journey towards freedom from sexual shame?
🔗 Explore the Unshaming Sex Resource Hub
Adding one more to this list: Coming Soon is the first unshaming framework for early ejaculation published in over 20 years, and it belongs on every unshaming reading list. Get the Book
