Learning about sex, sexuality, desire, and overcoming shame is an ongoing journey that we take over the course of our entire lives. Whether you’re wanting to expand your worldview, embrace your own identity, support a loved one, or understand and overcome your own feelings of sexual shame, having access to reliable resources is crucial. 

Over the course of my career, I’ve collected a rather extensive list of books, workbooks, websites, apps, and podcasts that offer education, insight, and support into all different areas of the sexuality spectrum. Now, you can use this list as a starting point to help you navigate the complexities of sex, sexuality, and shame.

Books About Sex, Shame, & Sexuality

Asexuality:

Decker, J. S. (2015). The invisible orientation: An introduction to asexuality. Skyhorse Publishing.

BDSM, kink, and fetishes:

Easton, D., & Liszt, C. A. (2000). When someone you love is kinky. Greenery.

Taormino, T. (2012). The ultimate guide to kink: BDSM, role play, and the erotic edge. Cleis Press.

Body Image:

Taylor, S. R. (2021). The Body Is Not an Apology, Second Edition: The Power of Radical Self-Love.

Culture and Sex:

Laureano, B. I. (2023). The People’s Book of Human Sexuality: Expanding the Sexology Archive. Routledge.

Benembarek, S. (2023). Halal Sex: The Intimate Lives of Muslim Women in North America. Viking Canada/Penguin Random House Canada

Desire Discrepancy:

Kleinplatz, P. (2020). Magnificent sex: Lessons from extraordinary lovers. Routledge.

McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (2020). Rekindling desire. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Perel, E. (2009). Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic and the domestic. HarperCollins.

Brotto, Lori. The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire Paperback – Oct. 18 2022

Disability and Sex:

Kaufman, M., Silverberg, C., & Odette, F. (2007). The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For all of us who live with disabilities, chronic pain, and illness.

Tarpey, J., Venables, K., & Gurza, A. (2021). The Bump’n Book of Love, Lust & Disability.

Dysregulated Sexuality:

Braun-Harvey, D., & Vigorito, M. A. (2016). Treating out of control sexual behavior: Rethinking sex addiction. Springer Publishing Company, LLC.

Ley, D. J. (2014). The myth of sex addiction. Rowman & Littlefield.

Neves, S. (2021). Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians. Routledge.

Erection Disappointment:

McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (1998). Male sexual awareness: Increasing sexual satisfaction. Carroll & Graf.

McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (2021). Contemporary male sexuality: Confronting myths and promoting change. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2004). Coping with erectile dysfunction: How to regain confidence and enjoy great sex. New Harbinger.

Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2004). Coping with premature ejaculation: How to overcome PE, please your partner, and have great sex. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Zilbergeld, B. (1999). The new male sexuality. Manitoba Education and Advanced Learning, Alternate Formats Library.

Erotica:

Pink & White Productions and PinkLabelTV

Blue Artichoke

MakeLoveNotPorn

Erika Lust, feminist pornographer

Dipsea Stories

Hysterical Literature

Beautiful Agony

Four Chambers

Archive of Our Own

SlipShine

SmutPeddler: Impeccable Pornoglyphics for Cultivated Ladies (and Men of Exceptional Taste!)

Cocky Boys

Damm, K.A (2003). Without reservation. Indigenous Erotica

Whitehead, J. (2018). Johnny Appleseed.

Fantasies:

Friday, N. (1973). My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies. Trident Press.

Bader, M. J. (2003). Arousal: The secret logic of sexual fantasies. St. Martin’s Griffin.

Blue, V. (2014). The ultimate guide to sexual fantasy: How to have incredible sex with role play, sex games, erotic massage, BDSM play and much, much more. Cleis Press.

Lehmiller, J.(2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder (GPPPD):

Goldstein, A., Goldstein, I., Pukall, C. (2011). When sex hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain. 

Gunter, J. (2019). The vagina bible: The vulva and the vagina–separating the myth from the medicine. Random House Canada.

Low Desire:

Brotto, L. A. (2018). Better sex through mindfulness: Harnessing the power of the present to cultivate desire. Greystone Books Ltd.

LGBTQIA++:

Barker, M.-J. (2019). Life isn’t binary. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Kobabe, M. (2019). Gender queer: A memoir. [Graphic novel].

McDaniel, R. (2023) Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step into Your Most Authentic Self

Vaid-Menon, A. (2020). Beyond the binary. [Pocket-sized version]. Penguin Workshop

Orgasms:

Dodson, B. (1987). Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

Jansen, C. (2015). Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms. Quiver Books.

Kerner, I. (2019). She comes first: The thinking Man’S guide to pleasuring a woman. Souvenir Press.

Mintz, L. (2018). Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–and how to get it. HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.

Open Relationships:

Fern, J. (2020). Polysecure: Attachment, trauma, and consensual non-monogamy. Thorntree Press.

Gahran, A. (2017). Stepping off the relationship escalator: Uncommon love and life. Off the Escalator Enterprises, LLC.

Kauppi, M. (2021). Polyamory a clinical toolkit for therapists. Rowman & Littlefield.

Michaels, M. A., & Johnson, P. (2015). Designer relationships: A guide to happy monogamy, positive polyamory, and optimistic open relationships. Cleis Press.

Taormino, T. (2008). Opening up: A guide to creating and sustaining open relationships. Cleis Press.

Psychoeducation about Sex:

Queen, C., Rednour, S., & Lafrenais, A. (2015). The sex & pleasure book: Good vibrations guide to great sex for everyone. Barnaby LTD, LLC.

Sexual Abuse and/or Sexual Trauma

Haines, S., Newman, F., & Haines, S. (2007). Healing sex: A mind-body approach to healing sexual trauma. Cleis.

Lew, M. (2004). Victims no longer: The classic guide for men recovering from sexual child abuse. Quill.

Maltz, W. (2001). The sexual healing journey. HarperCollins World.

Martin, B., & Dalzen, R. (2021). The art of receiving and giving: The wheel of consent. Luminare Press.

Sexual Aversion or Avoidance:

Kaplan, H. S., & Klein, D. F. (1987). Sexual aversion, sexual phobias, and panic disorder. Routledge.

Weiner, L., & Avery-Clark, C. (2017). Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy: The Illustrated Manual. Routledge.

Sexual Shame:

Iasenza, S. (2020). Transforming sexual narratives: A relational approach to sex therapy. Routledge.

Nagoski, E. (2021). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

Sex, Shame, & Desire Workbooks

Brotto, L. (2022). The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire. Greystone Books.

Cash, T. F. (2008). The Body Image Workbook:

An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks, Second Edition. Tantor.

Fischler, Michelle (2023). Unlearning Sexual Shame: https://getsome.ca/education

Labriola, K. (2013). The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships. Greenery Press

Nagoski, E. (2019). The Come as You Are Workbook: A Practical Guide to the Science of Sex [Illustrated]. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

Websites & Online Sex Education

LGBT

GMSH

The Trevor Project

Planned Parenthood

ACT

Asexuality

Asexuality.org

Sex Education

GETSOME.ca

Nadine Thornhill

Scarleteen

OMGYES

The Wheel of Consent

Herpes

Positive Singles

Rekindling Desires for Couples

Esther Perel

Sexual Shame

Michelle Fischler

Sex Research

Sieccan

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Sex Therapists (certified)

ASTO

AASECT

Apps

Coral

Gottman Card game

Podcasts

GETSOME Podcast with Michelle Fischler

Sex and Psychology with Justin Lehmiller

Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel

The journey to understanding sex, sexuality, and overcoming shame is deeply personal and unique to each individual. The resources highlighted in this blog post can be used to help you cultivate a healthier, more informed, and compassionate relationship with your sexuality!

Sex and overcoming shame is a continuous process of learning and unlearning. Embrace this journey with an open mind, and remember that you are never alone.